In honor of the holiday, I present all my poems that previously have only appeared in print.

The Love Boats (Margie Review)

Nola Vandermeer had blonde hair,
white like flounder bellies.

Her father shipped to Iraq
the year we bought a boat

to go deep sea fishing.
Nola came with us once,

stood on the dock and watched
military boats load up, drift away

like a cruise ship for a one year
paid vacation. Or maybe

more like an affair
since the wives hung back

like Nola. Her dad
left with sunscreen for his bald head

and glasses, to keep sand away.
He’d come back eventually

since even affairs at beachside hotels
can’t last. Danger fades,

one grows tired of calling home
at odd hours, sending postcards.

We caught Spanish Mackeral that day,
coated sunburned arms with fishscales,

sipped Coors Light to avoid seasickness.
I threw up anyway.

Later my father asked us
to handle fish guts with our fingers,

feed the seagulls. Not me.
But Nola grabbed fistfuls,

hurled them over the water
towards the boats like spears.


Aliens Built Table Mountain (Dreams and Nightmares)

A tourist asked the South African,
“Who built Table Mountain?”
“Aliens,” he said.
Aliens built a lot of things:
Stonehenge, the pyramids.
They took the Sphinx’s nose,
when Pharaoh’s check bounced.
Aliens probably wrote
the U.S. Constitution,
painted the Sistine Chapel
(Michelangelo couldn’t. His arms
were much too short).
In summer, the Aliens sunbathe
in Arizona, leave behind peeled
skin on stone in their favorite colors.
Colors they invented.
Aliens are amazing.
Much more imaginative
than we are.

[Insert Title Indicating That This is a Poem about Bluebeard the Wife Murderer, not the Pirate] (Dreams and Nightmares)

What door did the first wife open?
A closet filled with empty walls
and ceiling hooks, places reserved
for the parade of nuptial victims.
A medicine cabinet: shelves
of beard-hair-dye with names
like Choking Blue, Hypothermia Azure,
Blue the Shade of Pulsing Veins
Just Beneath Too Plump Wrists.
Did she open his drawers, his mail,
the last box of cereal.
Did she open nothing: lips tight,
no secrets spilled or pillow talk.
Her legs perhaps? Closed as one slab
of flesh from hip to toe
like a mermaid’s tail,
and he with his skinning knife.


Second Wife (MYTHIC II)

He wishes I were like his first wife:
Queen, domestic goddess with the small hands
and curling eyelashes. Neck like a willow branch.
His beard turned blue, lamenting
that I cannot talk, nor cook, nor breathe
like she. I'll purge her slowly.

The drapes must go. Silver she touched.
Her kin in town will move. Any tastes
we share, I'll change. She liked dogs?
I'll stuff the menagerie with cheetahs,
pluck feathers off her squawking parrot
and shove it naked in my cats' teeth.

He'll resist at first. All men do.
Shift her belongings to the fourth hall closet,
bar the entrance. Doubt my will.
But I will not rest,
until there are no rooms left.

Perhaps later I'll even post some poems that I haven't sold yet.

This journal is friends only--just to make sure that I don't have to ask myself the all important question of 'Are my English students going to come across this and judge me?' whenever I post something. If you want to be able to view the entries (for god knows what reason) just leave a comment or add me to your own friends list--I check periodically.

Otherwise you could always go to my Blog which is completely public.

I'm bored, I have nothing to rant about... and everyone loves quotes.

"Come to the darkside, we have cookies." -The Dayliethe Malt

"Life is like a box of Nuets. Sometimes you get what you want, sometimes it leads you right over a cliff." -Leeny

"It's a naive domestic burgandy with no hint of breeding, by I think you'll be amused by its presumption." -Thurber (?) on Wine

"Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes and it's your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"The quickest way to a man's heart is by tearing a hole through his rib cage."

'Why didn't you wait for me?'
'Well... you were dead.'
'Death can not stop true love, it can only delay it for a little while.' - The Princess Bride

'Do you love me?'
'I like you enough not to kill you yet.' -Lilah and Aiden

"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you." -Monty Python

"Negative, I'm a meat popsicle." -The Fifth Element

"Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows."

"I try to take it one day at a time, but lately several days have been attacking me at once."

"Most people ignore most poetry, because most poetry ignores most people." -Adrian Mitchell

"A poet can survive almost anything. Except a misprint." -Oscar Wilde

"My grandmother is over 80 and she still doesn't need glasses, drinks straight out of the bottle."

"Well it's midnight and I'm not famous yet." -Jimmy Buffett

...A story my brother told me when he was DMing a D&D game
DM: You come into a field. There are birds chirping, the breeze is light and cool. There's a beautiful lake, the suns rays reflecting brightly on the surface and beside the lake is a white Gazebo-
RPer: I use detect magic on the gazebo!
DM: >< It's a gazebo. You detect no magic. Now-
RPer: I use detect good on the Gazebo!
DM: *sigh* It's a gazebo, you detect no good-
RPer: I use detect evil on the gazebo!
DM: It's a gazebo, it's not evil-
RPer: I shoot an arrow at the gazebo!
DM: You hit the gazebo, now could we please-
RPer: Wait I have to roll first! I roll [insert whatever the hell you roll in a D&D game... I can't keep the dice straight]
DM: Ok, you hit the gazebo
RPer: But I rolled a [insert above]
DM: FINE There are now splinters and woodchips everywhere
RPer: I shoot another arrow-
DM: WHY! It's a gazebo! It's scenery! I was just adding ambiance!
RPer: *oblivious* I roll a...
DM: Out of frustration at being hit the Gazebo morphs into an evil evil evil Mage/Dragon/Monster/Demon/Demi-god and eats you!
RPer: I knew it was evil...
DM: *cries*

--I used to have tons of quotes... I'll think of more later. This will have to suffice for now.